"I deserve to be here"

For the most part, the characters in Jane Austen's books get what they deserve. Since Elizabeth Bennet is smart and witty, she gets the rich handsome mostly nice guy. Since Jane Bennet is sweet and giving, likewise. Since Mrs. Norris is a greedy b****, she gets to live out the rest of her days bickering with the disgraced, ostracized Maria. The characters who are "good" by Jane Austen's standards get good things by the end of their respective book, and vice versa. Two exceptions, in my opinion, are Mr. Collins, since I'm not sure he actually deserved Charlotte Lucas (though she seemed fine with it), and Henry Crawford from Mansfield Park, who generally behaves badly and leaves others to deal with the fallout.

This week, during a conversation with a classmate about my frustration finding funding for summer tuition, the phrase "I deserve to be here" slipped out. It pertained to family educational background, but it wasn't the last time the word "deserve" came up in the conversation.

Merriam-Webster online's definition of the word deserve:

transitive verb

: to be worthy of : merit; deserves another chance;

intransitive verb

: to be worthy, fit, or suitable for some reward or requital

 

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/deserve)

 

Why do I feel as if I deserve to go to graduate school when others around the world don't get to go to school at all? Or eat, some of them? What do I do differently that makes me worthy? What does anyone do that is deserving? Do good actions automatically deserve rewards, and bad deeds automatically deserve something bad, whether punishment or disaster?

 

What makes someone a good person, worthy or suitable for some reward? Do we need to be smart, donate to charity, volunteer, pray enough? Have I helped people in need, have I moved off the front seats of the bus for the people who should have them? Do I recycle enough, watch my energy usage, pet my dog enough to make him happy, try hard enough to help my friends feel better when something is bothering them?

 

What is it that we actually do to deserve anything?